Fair Warning This Tip May Offend or Not
Be forewarned, this tip is going to hit a sore spot with some readers. Others will be cheering me on. How do I know? I’ve heard from both sides over the years. I don’t wish to make the holidays any more complicated for you, nor do I wish to offend. My hope is that for some readers, there will be a sense of validation. Let me say this LOUD and CLEAR, you don’t need my permission or anyone else’s as an adult, but I know the power of validation when you’re torn. These thoughts are simply reflective of my perspective; the way I operate. I also know that I’m not alone. There are many friends, family members, colleagues of all ages who feel similarly. I’ve worked with clients striving to someday adopt a consistent ethos around this concept. Right now, while this tip may not resonate with you and where you’re at today, it’s something to consider as you step into holiday shopping…watch out for the albatross.
Chances are 100% (ish) There's an Albatross in Your Space
Among the many gifts you’ve received over the years, chances are there’s an Albatross or two. Image modified from originals by Igor Schubin and Motaz Tawfik from Pixabay
Chances are presumably close to 100% that at some point in your life you received a gift, or more than one, that you had no use for, was not your taste, took up too much room, the giftor spent far too much money, or triggered unpleasant memories. Feasibly there’s a host of reasons that a gift is unappreciated, that’s not to say you don’t appreciate the gifter and the intent. If you’re thinking wow, she’s cold, that was actually a tough sentence to write. Regardless, I will own “cold.” Bottomline, the gift was an albatross or some form of burden. Why an albatross? Here’s the origins why an albatross represents a burden per Merriam-Webster dictionary:
“In Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s 1798 poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, the titular mariner kills an albatross [a large web-footed seabird] that has been following his ship, bringing down a curse that leads to the death of all other crew members. As a punishment, the crew hang the dead bird from the mariner’s neck, and he remains alive to witness the ship’s fate unfold. This potent emblem led to the coining of a metaphorical meaning for albatross as something that causes anxiety or guilt or that burdens and encumbers.”*
That story was unreasonably dark for a pre-holiday message. The point is, I’ve seen repeatedly shades of darkness that “albatrossy” gifts render, so I suppose it’s not totally unwarranted.
A Client’s Albatross-Filled Closet
Here’s an example of how gifts can go wrong. A few years back, I worked with a client, we’ll call her Jodie. Jodie called me in because she was struggling to downsize. Letting go of anything was excruciatingly painful for her. Adjacent to her bedroom was the gift closet, the site of multiple albatrosses. The first time she led me to the closet, she prefaced it by describing it as her over-sized junk drawer. That interpretation told me a lot. To her, these objects were considered junk. The shelves, filled from top to bottom with presents she received during the last 60+ years of her life, were causing her visible anxiousness. Her mood shifted the moment she slid the door open. Handmade gifts, expensive store bought gifts, heirloom gifts, the contents ran the gamut. Most were in original boxes, none were ever used or displayed.
Are you wondering why didn’t she clear out the contents? Take them to a donation center, thrift shop, or re-gift? She explained that she stored unwanted gifts with the hope of passing them along to a deserving soul. The snag was that she couldn’t. She couldn’t release anything due to gut-wrenching guilt. She felt that someone special in her life wanted her to have these objects. They cared enough to think about her, lovingly craft something specifically for her, or took time to shop and select something special for her; therefore, she should honor the person and the gift. To her annoyance, she didn’t like, need, or want any of the items that filled the closet. She wanted to use that closet for more relevant objects during the time she had remaining in that location.
Plodding Through the Gift Morass
I knew this project wasn’t going to be easy, together we resolutely plodded through each item. There were stories. There was history. There was happiness. There was sadness. There was noticeable pain. There wasn’t room for anything else for sure.
We separated out the heirlooms. Wisely, as not to burden anyone else, she opted to check in with other family members to gauge interest in receiving them. Very few received a thumbs-up. High value items were donated to her favorite charities; medium value bits were taken to her local thrift shop to support another favored cause. Low value stuff was hauled off to SCRAP (a creative reuse center in Portland, OR) or a nearby donation center. Non-donatable items were recycled. She didn’t feel comfortable availing herself to online marketplaces or neighborhood exchanges. Lots of credit to her fortitude because I know these decisions weren’t easy.
The Real Gift—Releasing the Albatrosses
She released heaps of guilt by knowing that passing usable goods along to others meant that someone who needed or desired the objects would benefit at low or no cost. Emancipating painful memories caused tears alongside an acknowledgement that the hurtful memories would no longer reside in her home. In the end, she celebrated that she had a nearly entire closet to house the pertinent things that didn’t previously have a logical home, that cluttered her floors, ate up counter space, that caused her visual irritation.
Honor the Giftee
How can you make holiday shopping less complicated for you while honoring an adult giftee?
Prior to my daughter and now son-in-law’s wedding, they thoughtfully included their wish list on their wedding website as a super easy gift-giving reference for anyone looking for guidance. Their requests were for assistance to enable experiences such as cooking classes, adventure parks, even to supplement their honeymoon. Outings they could enjoy together. In a blended, relatively small condo, they have virtually everything material they want or have room to house. Interestingly, a few invitees reached out to me to ask for ideas for material goods to gift them. I tried to politely explain that their minimalist approach was intentional. I knew and advocated appreciation for the inquirers' sentiments. But the bride and groom crafted their list purposefully. Giving them something they had no room or desire for would have been an albatross, placing them in a position to find housing for one more thing or face possible anxiousness or guilt to let it go.
These little white elephants are darling, and not likely to be among the silly white elephant party gifts. Regardless, if you’re not into this type of knickknack, what do you do with it? Are these elephants actually albatrosses? Image by Igor Schubin from Pixabay.
Gifts come in many forms aside from a tangible object. Consider a shared date at the movies, a steamy beverage at a darling coffeehouse, a spa treatment if your budget allows and they’re into that kind of thing, or even helping out with household tasks if they have physical limitations. For each of these, it may be best to touch base before presuming that the idea will score a home run.
*https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/albatross
Flowers, candles, and chocolates are amazing. Been there? Done that? Try one or all of these can’t miss gift ideas.
Mother’s Day is less than a week away. Is your brain turning somersaults questing for indulgent gift ideas? Try any or all of these can’t miss treats. They are divine for those on a tight budget and fairly certain to further endear yourself to her.
Cover Your Tracks.
Remove clues as to which rooms you have used by picking up and putting away all garments, newspapers, magazines, food items, and other refuse. You get the picture. Wipe down any surfaces and floors where splatters or crumbs have been left. This includes the bathrooms, so check around those toilet rims. Yuck.
Emptying overflowing trash, recycling, and compost bins into the curbside receptacles will also yield a satisfied smile.
Take a Spin.
Toss in a laundry load (or 2): Be sure to separate the dark colors from the whites and lights and use the manufacturer’s recommended amount of detergent. The gift can backfire if her treasured white blouse ends up splotched with blues and purples or colors inadvertently bleached. Also check with her if there are any delicates that cannot go into the washing machine or need to be placed in garment bags to prevent any tears, pulls, or disfiguring.
The same goes for the dryer. Some clothes need to be line dried (or dry cleaned), so put those aside to avoid shrinking a sweater into a munchkin pullover.
Do Some Weed(ing).
I had you there for a second unless she is into that. She may love gardening, it may be cathartic for her. But a hand removing the weeds enables her to get right to planting magnificent flowers without getting bogged down on digging up the dregs of the yard. Now if weeding is her “thing”, then leave her a small patch to tend. Yes, the herbicide Roundup might be the easy and rapid way of weed destruction, but if the gardens are organic especially if growing edibles, then chemicals are a no-no.
4. Now You’re Cooking.
Wow her with a Mother’s Day Brunch. Track down sumptuous favorite recipes or surprise her with something new. Be mindful of any dietary restrictions she may currently be observing. Waking up to the aromas of a steamy coffee or tea, fresh fruits, and delectable dishes baking in the oven will start her day off with pure adoration for you.
5. Kneading Each Other.
Pamper her with a massage. A day at the spa will not only allow her time to relax and rejuvenate, she will also be reminded of how appreciated she is. If your budget is too tight for such extravagances, as she is lounging on the sofa, reading a book, or watching tv, gently massage her scalp or feet. Watch her shoulders droop, her neck muscles loosen, and her face mellow with pleasure.
Full disclosure, I may secretly be wishing to receive one or two of these myself. I won’t give any specifics except that outdoorsy chores are not usually my preference, hint-hint should my family members read this.
Maybe these suggestions will provide some inspiration if you are struggling to find the right gift within your budget. Even if money is not a concern, they’re still winners. If you wish to give the gift that keeps on giving, don’t let the conclusion of the holiday stop you from continuous benevolence.
Happy Mother’s Day from The Practical Sort.
5 Mother’s Day Gift Ideas For Downsized Spaces
For many moms, as we begin to age the idea of keeping up with a house, no matter the size, can be daunting. If your mom is considering downsizing her living space or has already transitioned to smaller quarters, then tangible gifts may not be ideal. Here are 5 suggestions for alternatives to show you love her and respect her desire to pare down.
1. Spend the day with her. Take her to lunch, the movies, a play, or a stroll through the park. Can’t be there in the physical? Facetime or Skype is the next best thing particularly if it has been a while since she has seen the grandchildren. Each family member can spend some time making her day special through the lens.
2. Lend a hand with chores or much needed projects. Again, if you cannot be there, engage her preferred handy person to do the work. Remember to have the bill sent directly to you. Check with her to ensure her schedule is clear and that this arrangement suits her.
3. Flowers, chocolates, an assortment of teas, or meal delivery are surefire ways to win mom’s heart. A selection of herbs for her kitchen window will help to spice up meals and enliven the room with inviting scents.
4. If she is computer savvy, send her a virtual photo album of events that have taken place during the last year or a compendium of momentous occasions through the years.
5. Ebooks, downloadable music or movies might be the practical ticket especially for moms with mobility issues.
If all else fails, give mom a phone call and tell her you love her. That is guaranteed to induce a smile.
As a gift for Valentine's Day or any other holiday, treat yourself or your honey to the organized living spaces that you crave. Allow the ambience of your home to reflect your inner beauty. Make room on the dining table for a floral arrangement, clear out cupboard space for the box of chocolates from your sweetheart, or create space in your closet for a new negligee or sweater.
No idea where to begin? Need a hand realizing your organizing goals? Contact The Practical Sort Eco-Organizing Solutions or sherri@thepracticalsort.com today, we will get you sorted with a Valentine gift of organized living.
