I grew up in a disciplined home. There was no room for misbehavior or free thought. Believe me I know, I tested the limits frequently. At my age, having a relatively trim and fit body, I owe to a modicum of discipline. Publishing my weekly tips and monthly blogs even when uninspired, discipline. Creating videos and other promos to market my workshops and programs, again discipline. Keeping an organized, clean, tidy home boils down to ingrained routine and discipline. As part of my disciplinary rituals, Monday mornings are my focused admin days. After exercising and eating, I immerse myself in emails, work assignments, prepping for client appointments. I do that week after week. Until…
Years ago and I can’t recall exactly how, I landed on a video that piqued my interested. It’s rare that I’d go looking unless someone highly recommended to check it out. Perhaps that explains how I ended up subscribing to Hay House, a mind, body, spirit publishing enterprise. To access the video, I likely had to supply my contact details. Ever since, I receive their updates and advertisements, and not just from them. Authors & speakers under their umbrella also arrive in my inbox. Sometimes I scan for emotional and physical wellness strategies, mostly I delete for lack of time and owing to my ingrained discipline to manage my inbox.
Then there was that Monday morning in mid-May. I glanced through my inbox quickly so that I could get to posting my weekly tip and execute my routine. It’s hazy what drew my eyes to the link for the late Dr. Wayne Dyer’s movie “The Shift.” Hay House offered the movie for free in celebration of what would have been Dyer’s 81st birthday. It’s not like I was going to watch it. I had work to do. The movie is over 2 hours. Not on a Monday morning. So not going to happen. I’m disciplined. I remembered enjoying listening to Dr. Dyer on PBS fundraisers and his interviews, so I figured I would give it a minute or 2 to catch the gist before moving on. I never do this. I’m disciplined. Eh, a minute or 2 while my website is booting up, I’m good.
That didn’t happen. I got sucked in. Not for a few minutes. I sat there mesmerized until about 10 minutes in when I realized I was chilly floating through scenes that although shot in California resembled most overcast days on the Oregon coast. I paused the video to grab my fluffy living room blanket, and reoriented myself back at my desk for another hour and 50+ minutes. 2 hours gone out of my morning. What the heck? That was so not me. But it wasn’t just 2 hours. When “The Shift” ended, I remained in my chair absolutely catatonic. I had no idea what I should do next, furthermore, no impetus to do it.
Image by John Hain from Pixabay
“The Shift” had such a powerful effect on me that morning, that I hesitantly told my husband (who never gets into this stuff) about it and invited him to consider viewing it with me one night during the week. He agreed almost too willingly, yeah sure, unlikely to happen. Woo is not his scene. Kudos to him. Not only did he watch it with me 2 nights later, he was the one who initiated the conversation. Even if it was to placate me, the gesture was deeply touching. I can’t say that it landed with him the way it had for me. That’s not important.
There was something about Dr. Dyer that soothes me. His calming presence and his ability to non-pedantically quote a wide range of spiritual texts. The wisdom of The Tao de Ching, the Bible, Tolstoy (an outspoken critic of injustice who embarked on a quest for non-violent revolution through his moral and spiritual transformation), and Byron Katie. Quotes rolled off his tongue to educate and rebut with graceful alacrity. He inspired me to order Ursula K. Le Guin’s interpretation of the “Tao de Ching” from the local library. Like so many, the pandemic has prompted me to scour for deeper meaning and purpose. My routines, rituals, and discipline are great for staying motivated and organized, and most of the time I truly love what I do. I know there’s more.
Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Will a piece of the absolute serenity that I felt after watching “The Shift” remain with me? Possibly. I have noticed that when I feel compelled to do something like hurry back to my desk during my noon walk on a glorious day, that’s my ego (and disciplinarian) driving me to be more competitive, productive, or at least busy to fuel my self-worth if no client appointments are on the schedule. Today I slowed down a notch when I realized ego was calling. I was gifted with this beautiful day and a break in my schedule, why not appreciate every delicious moment? The magic was that as soon as I slowed down, not only did 2 blog ideas percolate, paragraphs constructed themselves (the gift of an ADHD brain zipping around like a toddler chasing bubbles). The trick is retaining them long enough until I reached home and a keyboard.
Discipline definitely has its place. It’s what keeps us healthy, financially secure, and responsive in relationships. It keeps our homes livable and clean clothes on our bodies. Veering away from discipline to sample a decadent dessert or reinvigorate with an unplanned day at the beach is just as beneficial to our minds, bodies, and spirits. The guilt and fear of being irresponsible makes it tough to reverse a lifetime of intense discipline training. I imagine it’s harder to assimilate discipline into a lifestyle of laxness and leniency. My mantra calls for balance. Indulge in the things that will enrich you. Then get back to the things you must do. If nothing else, the pandemic has repeatedly shown us life is fragile. Enjoy the gifts, employ the discipline all with balance. And shift at your own pace if you that’s what calls to you.
